MY LIFE IN A MINUTE

Bar Minute-zvah!

2009-10-02T21:57:00.003-06:00

I passed the bar exam! And I have a job! With my brain and this economy, that makes two miracles (possibly three?).

But don't start bombarding me with legal questions just yet. First of all, I am still an idiot, and (B) I am not even a lawyer idiot, yet. But, in a few weeks, I will be sworn in by the bar commissioners and sworn at by everyone else.

And don't start bombarding me with lawyer jokes, either. I don't get them. Like: "Q. Did you hear about the lawyer hurt in an accident? A. An ambulance stopped suddenly." Nothing to laugh about there.

No ambulance chasing for me. I will be working for an Insurance Defense litigation firm in Salt Lake City. It's a small firm (I will be lawyer number 9) with a family centered attitude. And great people. Especially the partners. Really great partners. Kind, generous, kind partners. Handsome, too.

Elizabeth is happy that I am making money, now. Plus, I'm not as grumpy as I was in law school and when I was studying for the bar.

Elizabeth bought an air freshener for our car. The car smells better, now.

Every Excrutiating Minute

2009-06-21T19:49:00.002-06:00

Well, I did, in fact, graduate from law school. I have a certificate to prove it. Truthfully, I was a bit surprised when it arrived in the mail. Cognitively, I expected it; realistically, I thought I was caught in a hell of textbooks and Socratic teaching. But, I am done. done. done. done. with law school.

Unfortunately, the brimstone that is the bar exam still tortures my nostrils. Apparently, there is a separate hell of bar prep materials that surpasses law school hell in intensity, if not duration. The bar exam is in the end of July. In the mean time, I get to memorize the whole law. And the golden rule apparently doesn't cover it.

Elizabeth is happy.

My dog got sick one day and threw up in the back seat of our car. I cleaned and cleaned, but the car now stinks. Incredible!

40 Days = 57600 Minutes

2009-03-22T18:30:00.003-06:00

That magic number is my countdown to graduation. I have only four weeks of serious school left. I hope I never get it in my head to go back, either. I am so over it.

Elizabeth and I spent pretty much the whole weekend home. No work. No school. No errands. It was delightful. I actually pulled some weeds out of the flower garden, planted some herbs in pots, and hung some pictures on the walls. Productivity is good.

I bought an Iron Gym at Target for about $20. When I first tried to use it to do pull ups, I could only manage three. I was a sad slouch. A fat, lazy bag of skin. But I had determination. In just two-and-a-half weeks, I was able to do nine pullups in a row, without Elizabeth boosting me up. I am just a little bit proud of that.

The car still makes smelly noises.

Hurry Up and Wait a Minute

2009-02-01T19:38:00.002-07:00

Lawschool is what it is. I can't expect it to change, but I can expect to change my law student status in less than three months.

Work is what it is, too. Strangely, I'm actually looking forward to doing more of the paid kind. I have applied to the U.S. Coast Guard to be a Coast Guard lawyer. I have been applying for about six months, and finally finished all the forms and examinations. Now I just wait to see if they like me. Wish me luck.

My car died. Dead. Scrap metal. Apparently, that kind of Ford Escort had a manufacturing defect that caused one of my cylinders to lose pressure and stop firing. A four cylinder engine does not run so well on three. The mechanic said it would cost at least the value of the whole car to repair.

So, we bought a new, 1997 Acura Integra with 160,000 miles. Runs like a charm. Best of all, it does not stink. To all of you who thought I made the old car stink, your theory has been thoroughly refuted. The new car does make a "furt" sound every time I turn the radio on and the antenna extends. I guess I'm doomed.

Minute after Minute, Law School Creeps on.

2008-12-03T08:08:00.003-07:00

Happy Holidays everyone.

One of the things I love most about the holiday season is finals. The aromatic scent of freshly printed outlines. The warm, gentle sting of paper cuts. The clickity-clack of frantic typing. The familiar, homey tenseness in my neck, back, and shoulders. Nightmares. Continuous Nauseousness. Complete self-loathing. Let's not forget the weeks of self-absorption when I get to forget about economic meltdown, layoffs, church, family, and hygiene. It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Oh, but there is hope. In three weeks, it will all be over--for a few more months. By the way, I only have one more semester after this. Maybe I will celebrate Christmas in April.

Of course I am only about 85% serious about all the finals horrors and pessimism. The other 15% of me is very greatful for all I have been blessed with. Law school has been a great opportunity, and has opened a lot of doors for me. We are also loving our new-ish home. Most importantly, I have realized in the last few weeks that I have an unusually large number of good friends. I also have a large number of unusual friends. Which seems is unusual for a largely normal person.

My car stinks, and now it lurches some times. The mechanics told us that there is nothing wrong because the engine light doesn't come on. Hmmm.

Minute after Minute after a long time.

2008-10-08T11:38:00.002-06:00

So many minutes have passed since my last posting. Mostly, life has been busy.

School is boring, for the most part. Thankfully, it is my last year. I lifted my proverbial eyes a few days ago and saw a light at the end of the tunnel. It was very dim, but the green like money.

Speaking of money, Elizabeth and I have a lot less, because we bought a house. We kept reading in the paper about the turbulent economy and rampant foreclosures and decided to get in while the gettin's good. We will post some pics of our new place as soon as Elizabeth updates our family blog.

I am still deciding on my post-law-school plans. It looks like I will have some options: more to come as things crystalize. I feeling more confident that I won't be one of those starving, homeless lawyers. Worst case scenario, I know a guy who can get me a job at McD's--more local, less corporate.

My car smells. My dog smells sometimes, too. But they smell different.

Last Minute of Oral Argument

2008-06-08T15:44:00.004-06:00

I finished my summer internship with the Utah Supreme Court on Friday. I'm happy Utah law is still largely functional and in pretty much the same shape as how the Utah Legislature crafted it (sometimes it is hard to tell what that shape is; I'm thinking dodecahedron). At this internship, I learned one important lesson: it is better to draft a short, bad document than a long, bad document. There is a caveat to this lesson that only applies if you get paid by the word.

Tomorrow (Monday), I start a new job as a clerk for a small law firm. At this job, I am told I will be paid with money. That means someone will expect a worthwhile output for the monetary input. I am nervous.

I have been sailing every Wednesday night for the past few weeks. I am still learning, and learning has taught me all sorts of good things. I can now tie a bowline, pull a line, figure out which direction is clockwise, and not fall in the water. I also know to duck when we tack. Most importantly, I learned new, sailor words like "tack," "bowline," and "duck." I'm almost a sailor.

Elizabeth thinks it is almost time to get a new car. She wants a Lexus that smells like leather. That is hardly a smell at all.

An Eduvacational Minute

2008-05-25T17:17:00.004-06:00

Vacation is over.

Elizabeth and I visited friends and family in the Mid-Atlantic states. We had a lot of fun, but learned even more. Here are a few gems of knowledge from my vacation:

1. On the East Coast, water falls from the sky, sometimes. In liquid form! They call it rain.
2. 55 mph is an acceptable freeway speed.
3. The Atlantic ocean is just as cold as the Pacific. Small world.
4. Dogs in Richmond roam freely off the leash and all look like pit bulls.
5. Crab cakes in Baltimore taste like crab cakes in Utah. Smaller world.
6. Delaware is not as bad as it sounds.

As educational as our vacations sounds, it was actually quite fun. (See thefunseeleys.blogspot.com to see what we really did).

I had to go back to work when it was all over. Work was educational and not fun. I contemplated a career change for the first couple of days, then realized I don't have a career.

I also came home to discover I still drive the same car I drove when I left. Our rental car was far from fancy, but it spoiled me nonetheless.

480 Minutes To and From Moab

2008-05-05T20:40:00.004-06:00

I had a crippling allergy attack last week. I ate bee pollen all winter in the hopes of self-inoculating myself. I bought the pollen from a local bee guy, and had to listen to him tell me how honey can cure cancer, aids, burns, in-grown toenails, insomnia, and gout, but cannot cure motor-mouth. Actually, the pollen seems to have helped, but not as much as I had hoped. I just found out that the bee keepers in Utah ship all their bees off to California all summer. I was eating California pollen. That loquacious bee rancher lied about his pollen. Now I am tainted. This is what happens when you try to be holistic.

I also spent the weekend in Moab with Elizabeth and some of her family. I probably shouldn't say anything snide or sarcastic about my in-laws.

Moab was gorgeous. Perfect hiking weather. Lots of rocks. A few little lizards (or Geico's as my mother-in-law calls them). I discovered, as I climbed on a rock that I once climbed when young and spry, that I am wiser, more-well rounded, and intelligent (or as my sister-in-law would say: older, fatter, and more cowardly) than I once was. (See thefunseeley.blogspot.com for real details of the trip (coming soon)).

The mechanic looked my car over. I spent $90 to find out that it will cost $250 more to fix the a/c. My car stinks.

Every Minute Counts When You're 29.

2008-04-27T22:00:00.011-06:00

Finals are over. I have finished 4 of 6 Semesters. Probably successfully. Before you know it, I will be legally educated.

I also turned 29, this week. I've never felt better--except for that nagging feeling that I'm getting older. Somebody said something to me about 30, this week, too. I am, surprisingly, not worried about it. Afterall, I'm still closer to 20 than I am to 40.

Elizabeth took me to a baseball game to celebrate. The Bees won in the 10th inning. Very exciting. I did not put on sun block. My right half is red, my left is white. Go Utes! Too bad I'm an Aggie. Elizabeth also got me a great gift: sailing gloves. That puts me one step closer to captain-hood, and I won't feel like as much of a poser when I go to regattas.

My car smells, rattles, and the AC is gone, too. Maybe it just turned the car equivalent of 30.

120 Minutes of Finals Remaining

2008-04-20T19:20:00.001-06:00

I only have one final left this semester: Trusts. After that, I'm off for the summer. Hopefully, it will just be for summer, but we will have to wait for grades. I won't get started on forced-curve grading because this is only supposed to last a minute, but #%@!&#%*#$!

I will be interning with Justice Jill Parrish of the Utah Supreme Court during May. If all goes well, I will pick up a few credits and lighten my load during the upcoming year. If things go poorly, I will get fired and Utah's laws will never be the same again.

I will spend the rest of the summer clerking for a small, litigation firm in Salt Lake City. For this one, I will actually be getting paid. I am excited to be a bread winner, again. Elizabeth will hopefully start thinking of me as a man again, too.

I have been swamped at school, because I was foolish enough to accept a management position with one of the journals. I take office in the fall. I expected to put in a lot of time next year, but did not anticipate how much time I would have to put in as a manager-elect. I am trying to recruit for senior editor positions for next year, but I can't find enough stupid people who can edit. (You would have to be stupid to accept). On the upshot, next year, I will have tremendous power to corrupt the academic credibility of BYU's law school.

My car makes funny smells, and now it makes funny sounds--no longer silent but deadly.